This month's update is dedicated to our dear Agent friends whom you either love or hate! (timely, considering the recently launched local tv series)
1. The Professional
Always well groomed, clad in tailored garb and no single strand of hair out of place, you can definitely count on him or her to walk the walk and talk the talk. He or she usually also drives a respectable branded continental luxury car. The car is always well polished and never ever a single drop of angry bird produce. Often you may be driven around for viewing or to signing and you will never see any cutesy hello kitty or doraemon plush anywhere in the car. Even if there is a baby seat for the agent's toddler, it will always be put away, failing which it will be in the car boot. The radio station - what are you thinking?? - no, CD or MP3 player will be flashing out slick Buddha bar or classical music depending on how the agent perceives your leanings. Expect even to hear some tracks from 007 movies as the agent puts on the ray bans and aviators (wait, isn't it a cloudy overcast afternoon?).
The vocabulary of the Professional will likely include the following terms:
ambience
feel
lush
luxury
distinction
mastery
unparalleled
forte
abundance
attitude
beautitude (???)
avant garde
de facto
ideal
masterpiece
unprecedented
piquant
In fact, these are muttered so often that you may think their vocab is limited to *only* these words.
2. The Kopitiam Uncle/Auntie
Quite the opposite of the Professional, this agent has both feet (and perhaps even both arms) firmly rooted into the ground. No flashy cars, no gawdy accessories (ok perhaps one 'Rolek'), he drives a trusty Toyota or in fact may even be cabbing or taking the mrt to meet you. Dressed in plain long sleeve shirt (bought off the shelf, not tailor made) or simple blouse, often matched with an ill fitting blazer/jacket, which, if you are observant enough, might even catch a laksa stain or two on, the kopitiam friendly neighbourhood agent starts off conversations with 'you eat already not?'.
Discussions and negotiations are often conducted in the kopitiam nearby, over, well, kopi or teh. If you are lucky you might even catch them having their quick prata lunch while trying to update you how the negotiation with the other party or agent went. 'Eh... you want kopi not? No? Cock? (he meant Coke)? Aiya, you no need to feeli fehleh about market dynamic and economee or quantum easing lah... seller asking 1.05 meeliern... you wan or not? faster la... got many other waiting to offer leh... too high? ok la... how about this... 1.045.... I try for you now ok. I drive over NOW... what? 1150pm? No problem la.... iz serious seller.... not pray pray one ok. '
...
Although not highly educated, the kopitiam agent often drives a hard bargain and works really hard for your money. More often than not, it is him or her that gets you the deal you never thought possible. So dun pray pray see them no up. I mean, don't think they are not up to the job.
3. The PRO
Nudge nudge wink wink. PRO stands for Public Relations One. Mostly touchy feely, and has reasonable good looks (or excellent make up technique to hide the age and flaws), and super gregarious. You can spot them a mile away... waving or saying hello to even the security guard or other occupants like a friend of 20 years. Tends to talk rather loud, in a mixture of local slang and Singlish with some 'arvan garde' terms thrown in here and there. One thing is for sure, he or she will make A LOT of eye contact and often even bodily contact. If you have met only once, maybe on the second meeting you will get a hug or cheek/air kiss already. You may often get pokes in the side or quick shoulder massage while engaged in copula..., I mean, conversation with the agent. If you are sensitive, you would have noticed the pheromone level during these viewings are threatening to break the meter.
4. The Recruit
Fresh faced and new to the game, the recruit is generally overly optimistic and positive and never says no. If you are evil, you can even get them to fetch your laundry from the laundromat. They tend to ask a lot of questions, and then a lot of 'just to clarify...'s. They may also show you Esterina's floor plan when you requested for Estuary. Because they are so new to the game, they are motivated and almost never say die. This can often prove to be a blessing when using them to negotiate with stubborn sellers until they give up out of exasperation.
5. The Old Bird
This one is a tough nut to crack. The Old Bird is so owly wise and seasoned, that you often wonder how many other side businesses he has when he offers to link you up with the banker (any bank of your choosing), lawyer, lighting guy, plumber, tiler, upholsterer, furniture supplier... You also wonder if he is taking more commissions than is necessary, and how many other agents he is co-broking with on the deal. Every question you ask, he will have ten answers for you and take ten minutes to 'advise' you on the whys and hows. Often, such advice will start with 'you know, in 1997...' or 'in my time...' Don't be surprised if you find him or her holding 3 or more mobile phones and then an iPad (a namesake note pad la).
That's it for this month! All light hearted to celebrate Singapore 47th Birthday! WE LOVE SINGAPORE!
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