View Full Version : attributes of wife / husband to be????
It is time for me to be serious in talking to my two children about their spouse to be...
love
caring
money
education...
and they are love blind....
It is time for me to be serious in talking to my two children about their spouse to be...
love
caring
money
education...
and they are love blind....
What about age?
buttercarp
27-10-12, 16:25
Good and healthy genes.......
It is time for me to be serious in talking to my two children about their spouse to be...
love
caring
money
education...
and they are love blind....
In today's Context, is something that we can wish but literally nothing we can do about..
The kids have their life to live and we mingled too much , they only fall short to say hands off...
What about age?
what about SEX....:D:D:D:D
calling carbuncle...please provide more feedback...:D:D:D
what about SEX....:D:D:D:D
calling carbuncle...please provide more feedback...:D:D:D
You mean to teach the old folk?
Sleepyhead
27-10-12, 16:48
Have you ever thought of how to react if your son/daughter tells you he/she is gay?
what about SEX....:D:D:D:D
calling carbuncle...please provide more feedback...:D:D:D
Me?????? Very simple.
A GOOD HEART
All the rest like money... Looks....body....sex.... Entertainment.... I can self provide.
My one and only advice to youngsters out there, dont jump in to a relationship until you are totally independent and self fulfilled. If you are looking for someone else to fill whatever gap you have, you will never find true love.
Wah, this one cheem. So u found not only love but 'true love'.
So say, you drowning in ocean, he don't know how to swim, he still jump in to be with you, machiam Lomeo and Wholiet?
Me?????? Very simple.
A GOOD HEART
All the rest like money... Looks....body....sex.... Entertainment.... I can self provide.
My one and only advice to youngsters out there, dont jump in to a relationship until you are totally independent and self fulfilled. If you are looking for someone else to fill whatever gap you have, you will never find true love.
Me?????? Very simple.
A GOOD HEART
All the rest like money... Looks....body....sex.... Entertainment.... I can self provide.
My one and only advice to youngsters out there, dont jump in to a relationship until you are totally independent and self fulfilled. If you are looking for someone else to fill whatever gap you have, you will never find true love.
Ya, good character is the most important and the couple has to be compatible.
Wah, this one cheem. So u found not only love but 'true love'.
So say, you drowning in ocean, he don't know how to swim, he still jump in to be with you, machiam Lomeo and Wholiet?
No. Thats just plain stupidity. He should be shouting for help and trying to find any flotation device to throw over.
No. Thats just plain stupidity. He should be shouting for help and trying to find any flotation device to throw over.
Asuming both of u decide to do something stupid like take sampan (spur of the moment - hypo case) and no float.
Or say, u cross road and suddenly a car dash towards u because it lost control, will he push u away and take the hit, or he will let you kanna then shout for help? Or he want to kanna together with u? 3 options. Which 1 u think he take. Then which one u take?
Just curious.
Me?????? Very simple.
A GOOD HEART
All the rest like money... Looks....body....sex.... Entertainment.... I can self provide.
My one and only advice to youngsters out there, dont jump in to a relationship until you are totally independent and self fulfilled. If you are looking for someone else to fill whatever gap you have, you will never find true love.
A+ advice!!! will keep this noted! :scared-5:
:spliff2:
Ya, good character is the most important and the couple has to be compatible.
yea!
no matter what kind of rich background or how good looking the person got...
Me?????? Very simple.
A GOOD HEART
All the rest like money... Looks....body....sex.... Entertainment.... I can self provide.
My one and only advice to youngsters out there, dont jump in to a relationship until you are totally independent and self fulfilled. If you are looking for someone else to fill whatever gap you have, you will never find true love.
:spliff: ...good honest opinion...
phantom_opera
27-10-12, 19:06
as long as is not this guy
http://news.omy.sg/sites/default/files/styles/large/public/images/20121024/20121024_ql_lcn_sizzling_news_ep3.jpg
ClemenceLY
27-10-12, 19:14
Instead of listing what are the must haves, one should also consider what are the must NOT haves (gambling, smoking, bad temper....).
Love is blind and it is the head vs the heart.
Sometimes we only understand our spouse better after married ! The rest is tolerance out of love for each other. And especially family with kids, the last thing to happen is to have single parent kids....
my 2:2cents:.... a happy and lasting marriage/family is to me the MOST important thing in life....after watching this video of the late dr richard teo..RIP.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umLkfADe17s
Have you ever thought of how to react if your son/daughter tells you he/she is gay?
One thing for sure .. the parent heart and face will be shattered..:scared-4:
assuming no bad habit, etc.. observe if the pair is in a more or less balanced relationship, or one party is self-sacrificing. latter will not last, or may have to go through some life lessons to make or break..
a GOOD HEART....and also a GOOD class bungalow :ashamed1:
One that takes good care of his/her parents and also respect your parents, is likely to be a good spouse
a GOOD HEART....and also a GOOD class bungalow :ashamed1:
normally these two dont come together....:cool:
Have you ever thought of how to react if your son/daughter tells you he/she is gay?
Parents of gay children are normally not taken by surprise when the child comes out of the closet.
Parents normally know intuitively that something is wrong but hoping against hope that they be proven wrong.
Sleepyhead
28-10-12, 13:28
Parents of gay children are normally not taken by surprise when the child comes out of the closet.
Parents normally know intuitively that something is wrong but hoping against hope that they be proven wrong.
So as parents, what should they do? Just accept? And support? Or try to change them?
Compatible couple does not equal to compatible in-laws and vice versa.
It's the newer generation life and they live for themselves. I do not tell them how to live as each individual lives differently.
Attributes can be fake and falsified.
When I was single, I had set my mind for my future husband:-
1) No smoking
2) No gambling
3) No flirting
4) No beating of wife
5) Character also very important
6) Must be a responsible guy
7) He needs not be rich but must be willing to work and take care of the family.
8) Education must be at least same as me or equivalent.
(No 1-4 must hint to him before courtship, then observe him during courtship)
If during courtship, find that he is not suitable, it is better to break it earlier than to be regret later. If not what is courtship for, it is for you to know each other better and to judge whether he is suitable for you or not. That's my :2cents: . 爱不是施舍. But you want to choose people, people also wants to choose you lor.:scared-3:
Such criteria is 可遇不可求. So far, mine still okay, "my hiam buoy pie" (in hokkien).:ashamed1:
Compatible couple does not equal to compatible in-laws and vice versa.
It's the newer generation life and they live for themselves. I do not tell them how to live as each individual lives differently.
Attributes can be fake and falsified.
Marriage is not just concern about 2 people only, there are also their immediate family like father and mother, sisters and brothers. So if possible, try to accomodate both sides and as a parents, try not to interfere too much of your children's marriage life, they will want to have their 二人世界. For me, if possible, I will not stay with them if they are marriage, if they can visit me once a week, I am already very contented. I want to have my own time also, haha.
"But you want to choose people, people also wants to choose you lor.:scared-3: "
That's right. My great grandma used to tell me a phrase in hokkien. It's like "birds of a feather flock together.
So, before you can find a good partner, you must work on yourself and try to be a better person.
Marriage is not just concern about 2 people only, there are also their immediate family like father and mother, sisters and brothers. So if possible, try to accomodate both sides and as a parents, try not to interfere too much of your children's marriage life, they will want to have their 二人世界. For me, if possible, I will not stay with them if they are marriage, if they can visit me once a week, I am already very contented. I want to have my own time also, haha.
I concur with you.
Love and relationship is something which has no model answer.
It varies and works differently for each individual.
I can and will only offer my point of view if my sons consult me. It is their own responsibility to find the other half, and it is again their responsibility to shoulder the consequences if they happen to find a lousy one. Even if they are con or duped - it is their consequence and they should be mature enough to recover from the ground.
I cannot dictate and tell them what I feel and like. It is their life.
I will give when they ask. I will not give if they do not ask.
They have to work on it themselves afterall.
"But you want to choose people, people also wants to choose you lor.:scared-3: "
That's right. My great grandma used to tell me a phrase in hokkien. It's like "birds of a feather flock together.
So, before you can find a good partner, you must work on yourself and try to be a better person.
Agree, but sometimes 人以人之间也要靠缘分的.
When I was single, I had set my mind for my future husband:-
1) No smoking
2) No gambling
3) No flirting
4) No beating of wife
5) Character also very important
6) Must be a responsible guy
7) He needs not be rich but must be willing to work and take care of the family.
8) Education must be at least same as me or equivalent.
(No 1-4 must hint to him before courtship, then observe him during courtship)
If during courtship, find that he is not suitable, it is better to break it earlier than to be regret later. If not what is courtship for, it is for you to know each other better and to judge whether he is suitable for you or not. That's my :2cents: . 爱不是施舍. But you want to choose people, people also wants to choose you lor.:scared-3:
Such criteria is 可遇不可求. So far, mine still okay, "my hiam buoy pie" (in hokkien).:ashamed1:
Willing to work hard is good, but putting his money to good use is even better :D:cheers5:
Asuming both of u decide to do something stupid like take sampan (spur of the moment - hypo case) and no float.
Or say, u cross road and suddenly a car dash towards u because it lost control, will he push u away and take the hit, or he will let you kanna then shout for help? Or he want to kanna together with u? 3 options. Which 1 u think he take. Then which one u take?
Just curious.
This is not a movie la. Hello. Most likely too slow to react and both kena.
If still so far away and got time to grasp the situation and react, of course pull him away together with me both siam liao.
My friend Jeffrey came from a very traditional family. When he reached marriageable age, his parents insisted that he was matched-made taking into consideration compatibility of birth dates, family backgrounds....etc.
As he was a modern person, naturally he was unhappy with such an arrangement. But because he did not want to dissappoint his aged parents, he decided to go along with it on the condition that they presented him with 3 candidates to choose from. This provided him with some semblance of choice at the same time it also satisfied his parents requirements.
Finally, after a careful selection process his parents shortlisted 3 suitable candidates that met their requirements and they each have diverse talents and personalities.
1. Sok Choo - is a fashion designer, studied law in London but decided fashion was more her thing after graduating and having gone through pupillage with a law firm in the UK. Lives life in the fast lane but still manages to find time to volunteer at the old folks home and the handicapped association.
2. Eunice - is an art teacher in SOTA, likes working with children and young people. Loves to read poetry in her spare time and spends weekends inventing and experimenting new cooking recipes. Every once in a while, you can find her at flea markets hawking her own artistic creations such as paintings, sculptures and jewelry pieces.
3. Jamie - is a doctor, undergoing a specialisation in orthopaedics, devoted to curing bones after her stint as a volunteer physician with the UN in Cambodia during its transition to democracy. Athletic and energetic, Jamie has completed 2 marathons and is training for a third. She dreams of one day setting up her own free clinic to provide the underprivileged with medical attention.
These were the 3 choices that were presented to Jeffrey... who do you think he chose ?
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The one with the biggest breast
Willing to work hard is good, but putting his money to good use is even better :D:cheers5:
Ya, money roll money lor but not everybody so smart and lucky leh. :(
Ya, money roll money lor but not everybody so smart and lucky leh. :(
Hard to find such women these days. most only concentrate on how to spend more of their husband's money. whats the next prada bag to buy, new chanel earrings etc.:(
Hard to find such women these days. most only concentrate on how to spend more of their husband's money. whats the next prada bag to buy, new chanel earrings etc.:(
In fact, my girl is extremely careful in her spendings, hardly have any big shopping tickets. One bag costs HK$2,000, used for 3 years...clothings, buy only during big sales
In fact, my girl is extremely careful in her spendings, hardly have any big shopping tickets. One bag costs HK$2,000, used for 3 years...clothings, buy only during big sales
wow very disciplined indeed! the ladies @ my workplace are all dressed in expensive fashion brands.
wow very disciplined indeed! the ladies @ my workplace are all dressed in expensive fashion brands.
The truly wealthy dresses simply.
They have no need and no one to impress.
Hmmm not entirely true. For ladies, the truly wealthy and with proper upbringing types will not dress sloppily. "simple" but with style and proper matching. It's not a matter of impressing any one. It's matter of neatness and being polite to the host or companion.
One that takes good care of his/her parents and also respect your parents, is likely to be a good spouse
you mean the type who "take care" of Parents, Parents-in-law .possibly BIL also, .by coercing all staying under one roof type ...to maximise resources .. we have one eggcellent example in Yowetan here.. :doh:
Totally agree.
Btw, Singaporeans are one of the worst dressed and are extremely sloppy... many just don't bother. And its not about dressing to impress.
Even a Bangladeshi worker or PRC bricklayer takes more pride in their dressing when they are out on their days off.
Hmmm not entirely true. For ladies, the truly wealthy and with proper upbringing types will not dress sloppily. "simple" but with style and proper matching. It's not a matter of impressing any one. It's matter of neatness and being polite to the host or companion.
Hard to find such women these days. most only concentrate on how to spend more of their husband's money. whats the next prada bag to buy, new chanel earrings etc.:(
Ya, the world has changed. Most of them are well-educated, even not so educated one also have their own way of thinking, unlike during my time, life were so simple. Never chase for branded products, till now, I still don't go for branded goods.
There are some professions which require one to dress up well as you need to win the confidence of your clients or working partners. But for most other times, I believe the confidence and positive energy come from within. If you feel good and confident, you will naturally look great and give others a positive feel regardless what you wear, as long as you don't dress sloppily or offensively
phantom_opera
29-10-12, 09:07
wah this thread is so hot ... my only advice:
DON'T BE TOO IDEAL, TO ERR is HUMAN
Figures/body shape also important, if you have a nice figure, any clothing you wear also nice as long as it is clean and tidy. More important is comfortable.
Sleepyhead
29-10-12, 09:16
Hard to find such women these days. most only concentrate on how to spend more of their husband's money. whats the next prada bag to buy, new chanel earrings etc.:(
Singapore is a 'Earn a lot, Spend a lot' society. Very good for the economy. :D The women are not the only culprits. Many of my guy friends and colleagues also spend a lot! Branded clothes and accessories, expensive holidays, latest and coolest gadgets, etc.. Even school children as young as 5 or 6 yrs old carry iPhone, iPad, expensive clothes and shoes... Families like to eat out often and at cafes and restaurants (no more coffeeshops / hawker centres), go for expensive family outings such as RSS, Gardens by the Bay etc (no more simple picnics on the beach). Spend Spend Spend!
So for those who have or can find someone who is still from the old school and can resist all these material trappings, hold on to them tight!
.
The one with the biggest breast
i hear this story from somewhere.. LOL!!! :D
Sleepyhead
29-10-12, 09:20
Figures/body shape also important, if you have a nice figure, any clothing you wear also nice as long as it is clean and tidy. More important is comfortable.
Absolutely true! If out of shape, no matter what they wear, they don't look good. But hor, many Singaporean women have gone the other extreme.... :doh:
Singapore is a 'Earn a lot, Spend a lot' society. Very good for the economy. :D The women are not the only culprits. Many of my guy friends and colleagues also spend a lot! Branded clothes and accessories, expensive holidays, latest and coolest gadgets, etc.. Even school children as young as 5 or 6 yrs old carry iPhone, iPad, expensive clothes and shoes... Families like to eat out often and at cafes and restaurants (no more coffeeshops / hawker centres), go for expensive family outings such as RSS, Gardens by the Bay etc (no more simple picnics on the beach). Spend Spend Spend!
So for those who have or can find someone who is still from the old school and can resist all these material trappings, hold on to them tight!
Have just found someone like that.... But probably coz his earning power only 1/5 of mine...
Not sure if will lead to future problems.
Have just found someone like that.... But probably coz his earning power only 1/5 of mine...
Not sure if will lead to future problems.
It is better for a man to earn more or be capable than a woman, if not, whose know after marriage, will she look down upon you or not, unless you don't mind to be looked down upon by your wife.:)
It is better for a man to earn more or be capable than a woman, if not, whose know after marriage, will she look down upon you or not, unless you don't mind to be looked down upon by your wife.:)
Mine a bit diff.... Both hubby lol
buttercarp
29-10-12, 13:55
Have just found someone like that.... But probably coz his earning power only 1/5 of mine...
Not sure if will lead to future problems.
If he is younger and will bring you joy, then it is worthwhile a try.
But if he is older then maybe have to think twice cos andropause can be difficult for loved ones to handle at times.
If he is younger and will bring you joy, then it is worthwhile a try.
But if he is older then maybe have to think twice cos andropause can be difficult for loved ones to handle at times.
Younger by 8 yrz... Unassuming, no temper, lovey dovey, low maintenance, works full time (i get personal time), some similar interests, good in bed...
buttercarp
29-10-12, 14:09
Younger by 8 yrz... Unassuming, no temper, lovey dovey, low maintenance, works full time (i get personal time), some similar interests, good in bed...
Sounds pleasant.
Just out of curiosity, in general, do non- heterosexuals prefer to live together or separately?
Sounds pleasant.
Just out of curiosity, in general, do non- heterosexuals prefer to live together or separately?
Live together, eat, sleep, wake up together... Rear kids or pets together...
If quarrel sleep on sofa... Exactly the same.
buttercarp
29-10-12, 15:00
Live together, eat, sleep, wake up together... Rear kids or pets together...
If quarrel sleep on sofa... Exactly the same.
LOL..... when I go to Bedok Reservoir to jog, occasionally I see 2 muscular men together with 1 dog each.
The dogs are the cute small breed and they are so gentle with their pets.
Younger by 8 yrz... Unassuming, no temper, lovey dovey, low maintenance, works full time (i get personal time), some similar interests, good in bed...
When we give ourselves in a relationship, there's always a risk that the other party may break our hearts.
Since you are already together, just enjoy each other's company and grow in your relationship.
Meanwhile, you still need to guard your heart and let the walls slowly come down when you are sure that the other party is worthy of your love and trust.
There are only 2 people in a relationship and you are the best person to know if you are happy or not.
LOL..... when I go to Bedok Reservoir to jog, occasionally I see 2 muscular men together with 1 dog each.
The dogs are the cute small breed and they are so gentle with their pets.
What r ur jogging days? Me tuesday late pm usually
May have seen u. Some lady with waist length hair...
Most of my male frens arent muscular... Is a stereotype.
When we give ourselves in a relationship, there's always a risk that the other party may break our hearts.
Since you are already together, just enjoy each other's company and grow in your relationship.
Meanwhile, you still need to guard your heart and let the walls slowly come down when you are sure that the other party is worthy of your love and trust.
There are only 2 people in a relationship and you are the best person to know if you are happy or not.
LIKE..........!!!! Gd advice thx
Any avg duration for "wall to come down"?
LIKE..........!!!! Gd advice thx
Any avg duration for "wall to come down"?
Wall to come down is when you are going through a bad patch. You are down in your career and have financial and emotional problems etc, and he still sticks by you and encourages you. He is protective and defends you when others are throwing darts at you.
He lifts you up, time and again when you are down. He shares what he has with you too.
I would say "time" is the best judge.
buttercarp
29-10-12, 15:30
What r ur jogging days? Me tuesday late pm usually
May have seen u. Some lady with waist length hair...
Most of my male frens arent muscular... Is a stereotype.
I suka suka then go one :o .
Most of the time before the sunsets cos i am afraid of the dark.
My hair is usually tied up.
Wall to come down is when you are going through a bad patch. You are down in your career and have financial and emotional problems etc, and he still sticks by you and encourages you. He is protective and defends you when others are throwing darts at you.
He lifts you up, time and again when you are down. He shares what he has with you too.
I would say "time" is the best judge.
Does the above include lending or giving money??
What happens if ur partner is constantly gog thru bad patch and forever needy emotionally, financially, spiritually?
Does the above include lending or giving money??
Yes, if he gives you money when you are really down and out.
I suppose if he lends you a huge sum of money is not bad. Many people would keep a distance when you need money.
The best of all is he gives you a kidney, liver, or bone marrow when you are in ill health and needs it.
Then you can let down the walls immediately.
Yes, if he gives you money when you are really down and out.
I suppose if he lends you a huge sum of money is not bad. Many people would keep a distance when you need money.
The best of all is he gives you a kidney, liver, or bone marrow when you are in ill health and needs it.
Then you can let down the walls immediately.
Ok. Lucky my last name not de Cruz...
What happens if ur partner is constantly gog thru bad patch and forever needy emotionally, financially, spiritually?
Hey, being different is not easy and maybe your partner still have struggles dealing with it.
As long as your partner is responsible and true to you, do give him strength and help him emotionally.
Be confident, learn to handle emotions and be a stronger person for your partner.
Don't worry or think too much, just help each other grow and enjoy the companionship.
In the worst case scenario, the love and joys are gone in this relationship.
Take comfort that there are no children or matrimonial assets involved.
All the best in your relationship:)
Hey, being different is not easy and maybe your partner still have struggles dealing with it.
As long as your partner is responsible and true to you, do give him strength and help him emotionally.
Be confident, learn to handle emotions and be a stronger person for your partner.
Don't worry or think too much, just help each other grow and enjoy the companionship.
In the worst case scenario, the love and joys are gone in this relationship.
Take comfort that there are no children or matrimonial assets involved.
All the best in your relationship:)
Thx... U r very 'different' friendly.... So rare
Mine a bit diff.... Both hubby lol
Are you sure, you must be kidding!:tsk-tsk: I can't remember from which thread did I read that you have a few girlfriends before and ................:ashamed1:
Are you sure, you must be kidding!:tsk-tsk: I can't remember from which thread did I read that you have a few girlfriends before and ................:ashamed1:
And.........?
And ...enjoyed your friendly company.
And ...enjoyed your friendly company.
:ashamed1: :ashamed1: :ashamed1:
My personal opinion
Firstly, must have 眼缘。 Otherwise the marriage will not last long. Note that this is different from 一见钟情 （love at first sight)。Without 眼缘, you're not going to live with your partner under same roof and sleep in same bed. Not to mention making babies. It can be a torture.
Secondly, Ideally guy must be older than girl. If not the maturity level & earning power may be skew towards the gal if both are of same education level. This is especially so in Singapore because guy need to go for NS. Why maturity is different is because gal mature faster than guy. Besides, there will be pressure from people gossiping on the guy is a 小白脸。
Thirdly, ideally both must be of equal or comparable knowledge. If not at least with similar opinion in certain subjects. This is different from having same character. It's ok to have different character as you may be able to compliment each other short comings. But when come to major decision, both must agree to a certain extent that the decision made is the right one. You need to know each other for sometime before you can see this in your BF/GF. That's why it's important not to jump into marriage after knowing each other for just a few months. You'll have heard many divorce cases of such 闪婚。
Fourthly, having same hobbies and sports also play an important role during courtship and after marriage. The relationship between both will not go down to hill for not having any interest in common between them especially if one spend too much time in hobby/sports and neglected the other. This may be seen as not so critical in maintaining relationship but it does contributes towards maintaining one.
Both must have similar 儒家思想。If one say must provide & stay with parents to 敬孝道 but the other say cannot tahan PIL. This is bad as it not only affects your relationship with in-law but also your relationship with your partner. Also if one like to have many children to 传宗接代 but the other don't like/want children at all, the potential of having conflicts will grow with years. In fact having children can save a marriage in some family. The children becomes the center of focus and both come together because of the child and relationship can becomes better. But of course not always true.
Also not to forget that a certain degree of 门当户对 is needed. If one is extreme from a very rich family and the other one is from a poor family, Cinderella story is not going to last long. This is especially so if the guy is poor. There will be a lot of gossips on 吃软饭 and 白眼 from gal family。 The guy won't be able to take it for long.
These are just some factors that I can thing of. There are many more which others may have already mentioned. Usually, it will be a combination of some of these that will determine if the marriage will be successful or not.
Good post bro...pity brothers like me cannot benefit from this earlier...like 15-20 year ago...
My personal opinion
Firstly, must have 眼缘。 Otherwise the marriage will not last long. Note that this is different from 一见钟情 （love at first sight)。Without 眼缘, you're not going to live with your partner under same roof and sleep in same bed. Not to mention making babies. It can be a torture.
Secondly, Ideally guy must be older than girl. If not the maturity level & earning power may be skew towards the gal if both are of same education level. This is especially so in Singapore because guy need to go for NS. Why maturity is different is because gal mature faster than guy. Besides, there will be pressure from people gossiping on the guy is a 小白脸。
Thirdly, ideally both must be of equal or comparable knowledge. If not at least with similar opinion in certain subjects. This is different from having same character. It's ok to have different character as you may be able to compliment each other short comings. But when come to major decision, both must agree to a certain extent that the decision made is the right one. You need to know each other for sometime before you can see this in your BF/GF. That's why it's important not to jump into marriage after knowing each other for just a few months. You'll have heard many divorce cases of such 闪婚。
Fourthly, having same hobbies and sports also play an important role during courtship and after marriage. The relationship between both will not go down to hill for not having any interest in common between them especially if one spend too much time in hobby/sports and neglected the other. This may be seen as not so critical in maintaining relationship but it does contributes towards maintaining one.
Both must have similar 儒家思想。If one say must provide & stay with parents to 敬孝道 but the other say cannot tahan PIL. This is bad as it not only affects your relationship with in-law but also your relationship with your partner. Also if one like to have many children to 传宗接代 but the other don't like/want children at all, the potential of having conflicts will grow with years. In fact having children can save a marriage in some family. The children becomes the center of focus and both come together because of the child and relationship can becomes better. But of course not always true.
Also not to forget that a certain degree of 门当户对 is needed. If one is extreme from a very rich family and the other one is from a poor family, Cinderella story is not going to last long. This is especially so if the guy is poor. There will be a lot of gossips on 吃软饭 and 白眼 from gal family。 The guy won't be able to take it for long.
These are just some factors that I can thing of. There are many more which others may have already mentioned. Usually, it will be a combination of some of these that will determine if the marriage will be successful or not.
Long essay...need time to digest :doh: .
PN bro, if everybody runs thru ur checklist and apply point by point, SG marriage rate will drop even further...
As it is, people already finding it hard to socialise outside of work hrs...
buttercarp
30-10-12, 12:55
PN bro, if everybody runs thru ur checklist and apply point by point, SG marriage rate will drop even further...
As it is, people already finding it hard to socialise outside of work hrs...
Especially if they spend so much time on online forums eg here :o .
PN bro, if everybody runs thru ur checklist and apply point by point, SG marriage rate will drop even further...
As it is, people already finding it hard to socialise outside of work hrs...
Bro, no worries lah.
In fact many people are already doing this subconsciously during courtship without realizing it.
I'm just spelling them out here only. ;)
Especially if they spend so much time on online forums eg here :o .
Who are they? Maybe should give them a counseling session. :D
buttercarp
30-10-12, 13:10
Who are they? Maybe should give them a counseling session. :D
Counselling session here means even more time here ;) !
Counselling session here means even more time here ;) !
Maybe can ask cbbbuncle to scbbb & scbbb them away from this forum.
b stands for blank. Fill in the blanks yourself.
I am sourcing a son in law and daughter in law....
Eh... what day and age liao...
Let the kids make their own choices lah..
I am sourcing a son in law and daughter in law....
buttercarp
30-10-12, 22:22
I am sourcing a son in law and daughter in law....
Sourcing from where?
Eh... what day and age liao...
Let the kids make their own choices lah..
aiyo, u did not see what happen in China, so many parents in the parks helping their children looking for one.....
I am looking up for them as well.......as they don't have the time, and I want my grand children as fast as possible....
I am sourcing a son in law and daughter in law....
Maybe can ask them to participate in Jiang Su TV station
My personal opinion
Firstly, must have 眼缘。 Otherwise the marriage will not last long. Note that this is different from 一见钟情 （love at first sight)。Without 眼缘, you're not going to live with your partner under same roof and sleep in same bed. Not to mention making babies. It can be a torture.
Secondly, Ideally guy must be older than girl. If not the maturity level & earning power may be skew towards the gal if both are of same education level. This is especially so in Singapore because guy need to go for NS. Why maturity is different is because gal mature faster than guy. Besides, there will be pressure from people gossiping on the guy is a 小白脸。
Thirdly, ideally both must be of equal or comparable knowledge. If not at least with similar opinion in certain subjects. This is different from having same character. It's ok to have different character as you may be able to compliment each other short comings. But when come to major decision, both must agree to a certain extent that the decision made is the right one. You need to know each other for sometime before you can see this in your BF/GF. That's why it's important not to jump into marriage after knowing each other for just a few months. You'll have heard many divorce cases of such 闪婚。
Fourthly, having same hobbies and sports also play an important role during courtship and after marriage. The relationship between both will not go down to hill for not having any interest in common between them especially if one spend too much time in hobby/sports and neglected the other. This may be seen as not so critical in maintaining relationship but it does contributes towards maintaining one.
Both must have similar 儒家思想。If one say must provide & stay with parents to 敬孝道 but the other say cannot tahan PIL. This is bad as it not only affects your relationship with in-law but also your relationship with your partner. Also if one like to have many children to 传宗接代 but the other don't like/want children at all, the potential of having conflicts will grow with years. In fact having children can save a marriage in some family. The children becomes the center of focus and both come together because of the child and relationship can becomes better. But of course not always true.
Also not to forget that a certain degree of 门当户对 is needed. If one is extreme from a very rich family and the other one is from a poor family, Cinderella story is not going to last long. This is especially so if the guy is poor. There will be a lot of gossips on 吃软饭 and 白眼 from gal family。 The guy won't be able to take it for long.
These are just some factors that I can thing of. There are many more which others may have already mentioned. Usually, it will be a combination of some of these that will determine if the marriage will be successful or not.Enjoyed reading your contribution.
Don't quite understand concept of 眼缘. No matter how beautiful your wife (speaking from a husband's point of view) is, familarity breeds contempt so men can still go off tangent...
In a nutshell, I felt point 5 about 儒家思想 is by far the most important factor. Cheers! :cheers1:
Enjoyed reading your contribution.
Don't quite understand concept of 眼缘. No matter how beautiful your wife (speaking from a husband's point of view) is, familarity breeds contempt so men can still go off tangent...
In a nutshell, I felt point 5 about 儒家思想 is by far the most important factor. Cheers! :cheers1:
眼缘 meaning?
A bit difficult to explain but I'll give it a try
You may have experienced this before when meeting new friends or colleagues. There are people who we want to make friend with on first meeting but there are others who we do not want to. That person need not be beautiful/handsome but somehow he/she just give a soothing and comfortable image/feeling through our eyeballs.
眼缘 meaning?
A bit difficult to explain but I'll give it a try
You may have experienced this before when meeting new friends or colleagues. There are people who we want to make friend with on first meeting but there are others who we do not want to. That person need not be beautiful/handsome but somehow he/she just give a soothing and comfortable image/feeling through our eyeballs.Thx for explaining.. Don't think I have that sort of 眼缘 experience. :rolleyes:
My personal opinion
Firstly, must have 眼缘。 Otherwise the marriage will not last long. Note that this is different from 一见钟情 （love at first sight)。Without 眼缘, you're not going to live with your partner under same roof and sleep in same bed. Not to mention making babies. It can be a torture.
Secondly, Ideally guy must be older than girl. If not the maturity level & earning power may be skew towards the gal if both are of same education level. This is especially so in Singapore because guy need to go for NS. Why maturity is different is because gal mature faster than guy. Besides, there will be pressure from people gossiping on the guy is a 小白脸。
Thirdly, ideally both must be of equal or comparable knowledge. If not at least with similar opinion in certain subjects. This is different from having same character. It's ok to have different character as you may be able to compliment each other short comings. But when come to major decision, both must agree to a certain extent that the decision made is the right one. You need to know each other for sometime before you can see this in your BF/GF. That's why it's important not to jump into marriage after knowing each other for just a few months. You'll have heard many divorce cases of such 闪婚。
Fourthly, having same hobbies and sports also play an important role during courtship and after marriage. The relationship between both will not go down to hill for not having any interest in common between them especially if one spend too much time in hobby/sports and neglected the other. This may be seen as not so critical in maintaining relationship but it does contributes towards maintaining one.
Both must have similar 儒家思想。If one say must provide & stay with parents to 敬孝道 but the other say cannot tahan PIL. This is bad as it not only affects your relationship with in-law but also your relationship with your partner. Also if one like to have many children to 传宗接代 but the other don't like/want children at all, the potential of having conflicts will grow with years. In fact having children can save a marriage in some family. The children becomes the center of focus and both come together because of the child and relationship can becomes better. But of course not always true.
Also not to forget that a certain degree of 门当户对 is needed. If one is extreme from a very rich family and the other one is from a poor family, Cinderella story is not going to last long. This is especially so if the guy is poor. There will be a lot of gossips on 吃软饭 and 白眼 from gal family。 The guy won't be able to take it for long.
These are just some factors that I can thing of. There are many more which others may have already mentioned. Usually, it will be a combination of some of these that will determine if the marriage will be successful or not.
A very comprehensive list which I mostly agreed . Sometimes , I find that at different age, the quality that you look for also changes. :)
A very comprehensive list which I mostly agreed . Sometimes , I find that at different age, the quality that you look for also changes. :)Totally agreed...
auroraborealis
31-10-12, 12:57
think u can start here @ condosg... young women & men will pm u with their CVs since they've read ur posts; then u can shortlist some and arrange meetings without involving ur kids 1st
after then, casual meetings or viewings at showrooms then "shun qi zhi ran"... can or cannot nvm one; frens, lovers or gf/bf
aiyo, u did not see what happen in China, so many parents in the parks helping their children looking for one.....
I am looking up for them as well.......as they don't have the time, and I want my grand children as fast as possible....
think u can start here @ condosg... young women & men will pm u with their CVs since they've read ur posts; then u can shortlist some and arrange meetings without involving ur kids 1st
after then, casual meetings or viewings at showrooms then "shun qi zhi ran"... can or cannot nvm one; frens, lovers or gf/bf
Condosg singles (male & female), take note
还是单身的朋友们，快点报名吧。
Condosg singles (male & female), take note
还是单身的朋友们，快点报名吧。
Don't PM me hor. PM Laguna
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